a chained dog left outside, she survives.

funny that I am afraid of dog, really.


Bookshelf!
dio hugging lucciora
hamiechi

I grew up bookless (or comicless). I don't even know how on green earth I end up in love with reading....

And so this is the first bookself I have bought with my own money. I have to put in in my boardingroom since my house is full already and how many books I own has always been an issue with my Mother.


Back then in college I put everythings on cardboards, textbooks, novels, manga, even foods. Do you know how happy I am to finally own one tiny bookshelf?

I almost bought bigger bookshelf, but there was always a nagging feeling that I shouldn't have bought somethings when I had not had my own house. My Father, never has anythings againts me owning "many" books, even told me to put my books in container because it would be difficult if someday I had to move :/

Bbbbbbuuuut, I love looking at bookshelves. And here it is. Achievement unlocked! Bookshelf!


Bookshelf!
dio hugging lucciora
hamiechi

I grew up bookless (or comicless). I don't even know how on green earth I end up in love with reading....

And so this is the first bookself I have bought with my own money. I have to put in in my boardingroom since my house is full already and how many books I own has always been an issue with my Mother.


Back then in college I put everythings on cardboards, textbooks, novels, manga, even foods. Do you know how happy I am to finally own one tiny bookshelf?

I almost bought bigger bookshelf, but there was always a nagging feeling that I shouldn't have bought somethings when I had not had my own house. My Father, never has anythings againts me owning "many" books, even told me to put my books in container because it would be difficult if someday I had to move :/

Bbbbbbuuuut, I love looking at bookshelves. And here it is. Achievement unlocked! Bookshelf!


life update: eid holiday
dio hugging lucciora
hamiechi
A friend once said when we were still jobless, "use this long wait, you will never have this kind of long holiday when we start working fully"

I keep myself busy at work  and my job requires me to move faster anyway, so there is so little energy left by the time I get back to my lonely room in Surabaya. I rarely watch anime, I barely read. I listen to music rather to chase away the deafening silence when I can't sleep. I don't have many friends at work, they are mostly married and they have someones waiting for them after work, it's office and my room for me for the past three months, sometimes I felt so lonely I wanted to cry.

Eid holiday means oversleeping, meeting old friends, and lazing around in my parents' house. I am so happy I don't want to sleep :))

Maybe a case of mental meltdown.
crying wong-sensei
hamiechi
I always admit that I am a cry baby. I can cry easily over a song dramatically sung. I can cry over a hurt dog when I am afraid of dog.

Yesterday I cried at work. I cried. Many colleagues saw me red eyed or still crying. Several people saw when the supervisor was showing of how mad she was at her one of her team in front of me thus assuming the spv was mad at me and then gossip began to spread like fire. Gossip sucks :v

okay go back to why I cried.

1. When someones treat me harshly and I don't expect that someones to do that, I will cry. My parents never hit me (or I just can't remember bad things), once my mom unexpectedly hit my chin for saying terrible (?) thing, it's not that hard but I cried.
The spv just yanked the report I had been holding, shred, crumpled, and threw it to bin. She did that because she was mad at his team, not me, the intern who just help them there. I was already trembling back then and feeling so cold. My body thought she was mad at me, of course. I hadn't cried, wouldn't want to cry in front of the team but when they came to me and asked what happened...I just lost it. I couldn't not cry. I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND BE ALONE. It was 5 minutes before the off hour and shit, I almost survived.
2. I don't like seeing people crying. The spv almost cried. Idk, why her team dudes are this freaking suck and lazy? Is it because the spv is female and the team consist of big headed males or the spv is full of herself or because she is just a workaholic mad idk.
3. The guilt. I thought I could avoid their fight by lying. I should have thought quickly of how to avoid the fight because I always know how to avoid fight with my parents. I hate seeing people fight.

I cried during my ride home, with the spv, not surprisingly because she was my ride for the week, when I wanted to be alone and calm the fuck out my self. She even apologized to me for making me cry, I apologized too because I was a cry baby.

I cried when I got home. Still crying when I was going to sleep. My eyes were so puffy people would know that I had been crying.

That's me. I don't know why I could cry easily, and seemingly endlessly, at the drop of a hat like that. My friend who have worked longer than I said when I told her about this drama, "welcome to this world". So yeah, I shouldn't have cried.

And when the female senior who worked in the same room with me confronted me, basically told me, that was how it worked in real life. I smelled the "you shouldn't have cried", because the spv was so worried because I cried endlessly during the ride home and she thought I might have been feeling too much pressure in her division. The spv's husband is a psychiatrist and that's why I think I might have a mental breakdown

I read it here: The signs and causes of a nervous breakdown

I know I have been complaining how much pressure I feel at work, yeah, that might be work-related-stress that caused me to cry endlessly like that *sigh*

I even still feel like crying today. When someones at work asked what happened yesterday I could feel my eyes brimming with tears. I don't want people bad mouth my spv, she was not really wrong and his team was not really...well wtv idk who is right and not. I don't want people think I am a sissy and other bad things but I know I can't avoid that after the outburst yesterday.

I listened to not really a sad song and I almost cried. And just what the hell is wrong with me. And it might be just the pms T^T

I am just so thankful that this is Friday *sigh*

I have to be strong T_T

of course Duo wins!
dio hugging lucciora
hamiechi
http://sgcafe.com/2014/02/gundam-wing-pilot-received-chocolates-valentines-day-gundam-info-finds/

suggestion induced insomnia, it's friday night, sob.
Hyde
hamiechi


....like what?

 

kak shi_en_ta told me she couldn't sleep. I asker her why and of course she didn't know why. Even having one demanding and scary boss probably scolding me in the morning couldn't make not sleep so soundly at night.

 

mom was sick a month ago, her blood pressure was high and then she couldn't sleep at all. In other hand, her first child always slept so soundly it made her jealous, well, perhaps.

 

Then I have been reading Darcia's livejournal, you know, the owner of GW fandom fansite hosting many good fics where I found TB amazingly angsty fics a few years ago. It's saddening that she is not well, depressed, and has severe insomnia case, idk how you name that kind of problem in Indonesian even. It's scary how much she had gone through and spent to fix that.

 

Reading her livejournal posts affects me so that I have been yawning for an hour and still not sleeping now.

 

I am so freaking tired, my feet hurts so bad and this is how it usually goes when my feet hurt from too much walking and standing anyway. I can't sleep. meh. in nooooo moood to watch anime nor reading anything. double meh.

 

have wonderful weekend guys.

Tags:

hello
Hyde
hamiechi

TGIF TGIF

 

I have one demanding female boss. Huzzah. I was quite busy at work this week that the days passed so quickly and I was suppressed that I got home very tired and end up not reading/watching things I had planned last sunday.

 

that pile of unread books/mangas is disgusting.

Tags:

Mt. Kelud eruption and the afterward.
dio hugging lucciora
hamiechi


it was Yogyakarta, waaaay to far from Mt. Kelud but was affected so heavily by its eruption. it was not snow. It was ash. The wind blew to the west so the areas affected by Kelud eruption were mostly western Java.

 

The airports are closed until now. A friend of mine from Semarang planned to visit me this weekend but her flight was canceled because of Kelud eruption. Oh well, no one can predict all these volatile moutains anyway.

 

My place, like 2-3 hours trip to Mt. Kelud is not really affected because we are in its northeast side while the wind is going west.

more about kelud coughing ashesCollapse )

Still a grey day anyway, but no ash. lucky.

 

I asked colleague whose hometown was in Kediri, the distric which Kelud is in, he said his family was okay and he was not allowed to go home this weekend *pats*

 

He was not worried at all I guess, we even went to karaoke last night (and please I hate my  friends for abandoning me at the market. no more karaoke!)

 

People kept asking him (and me!) whether we were okay or not, but honestly, we didn't even feel any earthquake or heard the eruption. The wind is really in our side now.

Tags:

風にのって and gundam wing fanfic
blink blink
hamiechi

I have been reading Broken Jade by Sol today, I stopped reading it four years ago because I didn't like where it went. Plus I was not comfortable with all 1x2x3, lawl. It's so good naw, well sort of, I will go with anything anyway

It's Chinese New Year and it's national holiday, means long weekend, yay! But I am in no mood to read my unread books. I want to read good fanfiction (please rec me!), I am sick of Sherlock fandom, or most mainstream fandom anyway, too tired to look for good Hobbit fanfics. Then I have been listening to Kaze ni Notte, a song I associate with Gundam Wing fanfictions.....

I am so desperate to read Gundam Wing fanfic I browse several epic length fanfic I stopped reading few years ago, or I will end up rereading TB's fanfic, again.

Reading GW fanfic and listening to Kaze ni Notte brings me to that time when I spent hours in this fandom, neglecting my study, feeling so devastated over a death fic. Uumm, it is either a death fic or really heart-wrenching fic I read while listening to this song.

Do you associate song with book/manga/fanfic? I do this thing with Flame of Recca manga and Laruku's Arc album too (._. )"


Socializing
Hyde
hamiechi
Tomorrow is my grandma's brother's wife "1000 days after death", there will be prayer, yes this is very Javanese ritual that got all tangled with Islamic coming here hundreds years ago. She was the one who took care of me when mom worked. The family didn't tell me she died because they were afraid we (my cousin and I) would freak out.  I love her.

And that made me come out my weekend-shell and help the family doing preparation things for tomorrow, mainly cooking foods and cakes and that meant socializing with other people who are not my cycle....

....and that's something I don't really do. They ask about job, getting a husband (which is not something in my mind for now) or getting boyfriend (haha), and why I didn't mind when guys from local book club asking about it -__-

orz

I need to level up my socializing skill. 

?

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