I always admit that I am a cry baby. I can cry easily over a song dramatically sung. I can cry over a hurt dog when I am afraid of dog.
Yesterday I cried at work. I cried. Many colleagues saw me red eyed or still crying. Several people saw when the supervisor was showing of how mad she was at her one of her team in front of me thus assuming the spv was mad at me and then gossip began to spread like fire. Gossip sucks :v
okay go back to why I cried.
1. When someones treat me harshly and I don't expect that someones to do that, I will cry. My parents never hit me (or I just can't remember bad things), once my mom unexpectedly hit my chin for saying terrible (?) thing, it's not that hard but I cried.
The spv just yanked the report I had been holding, shred, crumpled, and threw it to bin. She did that because she was mad at his team, not me, the intern who just help them there. I was already trembling back then and feeling so cold. My body thought she was mad at me, of course. I hadn't cried, wouldn't want to cry in front of the team but when they came to me and asked what happened...I just lost it. I couldn't not cry. I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND BE ALONE. It was 5 minutes before the off hour and shit, I almost survived.
2. I don't like seeing people crying. The spv almost cried. Idk, why her team dudes are this freaking suck and lazy? Is it because the spv is female and the team consist of big headed males or the spv is full of herself or because she is just a workaholic mad idk.
3. The guilt. I thought I could avoid their fight by lying. I should have thought quickly of how to avoid the fight because I always know how to avoid fight with my parents. I hate seeing people fight.
I cried during my ride home, with the spv, not surprisingly because she was my ride for the week, when I wanted to be alone and calm the fuck out my self. She even apologized to me for making me cry, I apologized too because I was a cry baby.
I cried when I got home. Still crying when I was going to sleep. My eyes were so puffy people would know that I had been crying.
That's me. I don't know why I could cry easily, and seemingly endlessly, at the drop of a hat like that. My friend who have worked longer than I said when I told her about this drama, "welcome to this world". So yeah, I shouldn't have cried.
And when the female senior who worked in the same room with me confronted me, basically told me, that was how it worked in real life. I smelled the "you shouldn't have cried", because the spv was so worried because I cried endlessly during the ride home and she thought I might have been feeling too much pressure in her division. The spv's husband is a psychiatrist and that's why I think I might have a mental breakdown
I read it here: The signs and causes of a nervous breakdown
I know I have been complaining how much pressure I feel at work, yeah, that might be work-related-stress that caused me to cry endlessly like that *sigh*
I even still feel like crying today. When someones at work asked what happened yesterday I could feel my eyes brimming with tears. I don't want people bad mouth my spv, she was not really wrong and his team was not really...well wtv idk who is right and not. I don't want people think I am a sissy and other bad things but I know I can't avoid that after the outburst yesterday.
I listened to not really a sad song and I almost cried. And just what the hell is wrong with me. And it might be just the pms T^T
I am just so thankful that this is Friday *sigh*
I have to be strong T_T